The Fire Temple

Scene:  The living room after school.  A has built a structure out of blocks.

A:  "J, J: do you want to see my Fire Temple?"

J (looks at the tower of blocks with a square curtain wall):  "Oh, what do they worship at the Fire Temple?"

A (gives J a sideways dog tilted look):  "They don't worship anything in the Fire Temple."

J:  "They don't worship fire?  What do they do in the Fire Temple?"

A:  "It's where all the Ninjas meet to plan their attacks."

J:  "Oh. Bud, that's called a dojo."

A:  "But J, It's a Fire. Temple."

J (channeling his Andrew Lloyd Webber):  "Aah Temple should be house of prayer."

A (Sighing, goes back to blocks).

Theological Drama

Scene: The Living Room. J is doing his morning stretching exercises and A is preparing to go out.

A: "J, I think God is too dramatic, so I'm just going to pray for myself."

J: "God is too dramatic; what do you mean?"

A: "Well, God is all about love right?"

J: "Yeah."

A: "And love makes people cry when they're happy."

J: "So that's why God is too dramatic?"

A: "Yeah."

"...And Wisdom to Hide the Bodies."

J is struggling through breakfast waiting for the caffeine to kick in. A has awoken in a flash and is energetically running around the house possessed by the Spirit of Bright Eyed And Bushy Tailed.

A (bounding up to the breakfast table with toys): "J, you want to see a pirate prayer?"

J (dutifully eating some oatmeal): "Um..."

A: "It's not about killing." (Tries to hide toy cannon.)

J (reaching for some fortifying tea): "Okay..."

A: "So first you take the pirate (takes plastic pirate figure) and you put him in a box (puts hapless pirate into a small treasure chest).... (suddenly remembering that the pirate has to die non-violently) he's very sick, and he dies."(closes the chest over the pirate). His friends are very sad. They scoop out his soul... and they scoop out his brains...

(J resists a smile at this Egyptian cross-over)

... and they take his soul and put it into a cannon ball (positions cannon at dead pirate in a chest) and they fire! (sweeps the dead pirate off the breakfast table) and fire him into the sea!"

J (genuinely confused): "That's the prayer?"

A: "Yeah. Because, J, they had to take the soul out of the pirate and kill him and put him into the water -- but no one would know one of the pirates was dead because he was at the bottom of the sea."

J (less confused): "So, that's the prayer? That no one will find the dead pirate?"

A: "Yeah." (Runs off to rip up pirate treasure maps into teeny tiny shreds...)

Bon-bons and Theology

A: "So J, do bad people get bon-bons?"

J: "No. Wicked people do not get bon-bons. Only the pure and good."

A: "What if bad people sneak to the supermarket and ..."

J: "Oh! There's an angel with a FLAMING sword guarding the entrance to the supermarket, and they wouldn't be able to get in."

A: "But the bad people would poke her with their pointy swords."

J: "But before they could, she'd use her FLAMING sword to cut their swords into five pieces."

A: "But they would use their Magical Powers to put their swords back together."

J: "She'd cut the swords apart again."

A: "Their magic is stronger and they'd use superglue to fix their swords."

J: "Well, while they were using their superglue, the Angel would take her FLAMING sword and cut a big hole into the sidewalk and they'd fall forever and ever and ever."

A: (smiling) "You're making that up."

[several moments later, including a short explanation of how medieval Christians believed good people were escorted to Heaven by angels while wicked people were dragged to Hell in chains....

A: "So what would they do to me in Hell, anyway; drop me into a fire?"

J: (making a 'bingo!' sign): "You got it."

A: "What else do they do to people? What does it look like?"

J: (deciding that M would be annoyed if a review of Hieronymus Bosch were to be given to a four-year-old) "Uh, I've never been, so I couldn't say."

---

Scene: After a scanty dinner, A is putting together a train track.

A: "Tyger, tyger, burning bright / Tyger, tyger, I don't care. (pause, to J) Why are you laughing?"

Theology of Sight.

Scene. The Breakfast table.

A: "I just dropped some food on the floor, and I'm not going to pick it up."
J: "I think M would be very disappointed if you didn't. And so would I."
A (matter-of-factly): "When you guys are dead I'm going to drop food on the floor all the time."
J (channeling Calvin's Mom): "Oh."
A: "Would you mind?"
J (using a Jehovah voice): "We would. We would look down from Heaven and see you dropping food and we would mind terribly!"
A: "No you wouldn't, because when you're dead you don't have any eye balls."

The discussion degenerated into a back-and-forth nuh-uh/uh-huh theology debate.

Four Year Old Philosophy

A seems to have his internal clock confused. He woke up ready to play around 11 PM last night.

While I was getting him a snack, he spontaneously said, "J, I believe the universe is governed by simple rules of relationship." It was one of those four-year-old utterances that make sense in the context of a late-night conversation. It's possible that he wanted to know the difference between uncles and great-uncles. I drew a family tree and then the Great Attempt at Sleep (kicking and turning and tossing and turning and sitting up) followed.

The Last Kaiser

Last Thursday A and I went to the Library. It was kind of cold and rainy, so we couldn't spend too much time outside in the courtyard. He's been kind of tired, and he wanted some Eric Carle books. Afterwards, I decided that I wanted some DVDs on Egypt, so we went to the 900's.

Once we were there, A decided that he absolutely (absolutely is one of his favorite words) had to get a library stool (the kind that look like inverted garbage bins on wheels), carry (not roll) it over to a bookshelf, and start pulling books off of the shelf. The shelving librarian was mostly amused. One book fell off of the shelf -- Giles MacDonogh's "The Last Kaiser: The Life of Wilhelm II" -- and A insisted that he carry down to the circulation desk for check-out.

Saturday, M and A were reading "The Last Kaiser." On the cover is a picture of Wilhelm II. A looked at it, looked at M, and said, "His mustache is signing 'Y.'"

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In different news, A has a new theory of reincarnation.

Scene: The kitchen table. A has eschewed forks, spoons and hands for eating.

J: "A, eat your food like a civilized person; I am not raising a barbarian."

A: "I died and now I'm a barbarian."

I suppose it's a twist from using reincarnation to imagine that one was once a princess. So far A has come back as a cat, and a wolf; M has come back as a drum (so that A can hit him); and M (the cat) has come back as a cow (so that A can milk her).