Stories on CD

A's new favorite book on CD to listen to is "The Princess and the Goblin," by George MacDonald. The reader, Ian Whitcomb, does an excellent job with characters' voices. There's a princess who must be brave, horrid goblins, and intricate language. The story was written in 1872, when Princesses were Real Princesses, and Magical Grandmothers were Really Magical.

And we like it a whole lot better than "Mrs. Pigglewiggle," which can be summed up as follows: It's the 1940's! Mothers are Clueless ("Honey! I've called everyone and I'm at my wit's end!") Fathers are Distant and Sarcastic ("Don't call me at the office. Give him a spanking and tell him he can keep it all to himself, heh-heh.") and Children have a Cornucopia of Obnoxious Habits for young modern listeners to copy. But never fear! Call Mrs. Pigglewiggle, A Strange Old Woman Who Loves Children So Much that she Resorts to Reverse Psychology and Tricks to Correct Their Behavior."

Oh, how I longed for a Veruca Salt ending read by Gene Wilder. We're probably going to write the Library about this one....

Ah... Houstin ?

Scene: The Local Playground. A, M, and J have come to launch a vinegar and baking soda plastic rocket.

J (Looking around flat playground equipment with relatively dry wood chips): "Where shall we launch?"

M (indicating a morass of grassy mud): "We can put the launcher here."

J: Oh.... Okay, A; you hold the rocket. (Squirts vinegar from a washed out soap dispenser into the rocket fuselage) One, two, three... (vinegar approaches fill line) ... ten."

A: "We're filling it up with fuel!"

J: (scooping baking soda into launch base) "One, two, three. Okay, give me the rocket."

A: "Okay."

J: "Alright; (tilts rocket and attaches it to base) I'm going to mix the baking soda and vinegar!"

M: "Stand back!"

M and A take several steps back.

J: "Here we go!" (Mixes chemicals and hastily places base down on a grass clump. Jumps back. Chemicals fizz inside rocket, which slowly falls over so that rocket is pointing straight at A.)

M & J (squealing): "Aaaah! Run! A! Run!"

J (Scampering back and forth away from and toward rocket alternatively trying to right it and running away from an imminent toy explosion): "Aaaah! Aaah! Look out!"

M runs toward A. A takes several steps away from the rocket, but manages to stay in its trajectory)

Rocket: "Ppfffffffft!!!" (Rocket sprays carbon dioxide, neutralized vinegar, and baking soda from its tail and lurches five feet, coming to rest at A's feet.)

M (to J): "You aimed that right at the kid!"

J: "It tipped over on a grass clump!"

A: "Let's do it again!"

Four Time Zones Off

A has pretty much been about to explode from all the Christmas excitement.

So it wasn't too surprising when he woke up this morning at 3AM. M tried various attempts to get him to go back to sleep. Eventually they just got up and around 4 AM went around the house, inside and out, looking for signs of Santa. I think they found a wrapper.

M's plan, which I was too asleep to cooperate with, was to open presents at 4 AM and then go back to bed. What happened was that I woke up (for about the twentieth time) and stumbled out of the bedroom at 7:15.

Insert present opening scene here.

And The Award Goes To...

Scene: the car driving to pick up M. J has been interrogating A about the day's school events.

A (from the back seat): "J, J; you'll never guess! Elizabeth from the Mayflower came to our class today!"

J (recalling that the class is studying the Mayflower for Thanksgiving): "Oh, that's right, P and D told us about she would be visiting. What did she tell you?"

A: "Her husband fell overboard on the Mayflower and had to pulled up by ropes."

J (dodging traffic): "Oh."

A: "But J, there's something that's not quite right."

J: "What's that?"

A: "Well (pronounced "Weh-ell") how can she be visiting us if she was on the Mayflower? She must have been four hundred years old."

J (impressed and amused at kindergartner math and logic): "Well, I don't think she was four hundred years old. What do you think. (Trying another tactic) How old was she, did look older than Grandma J?"

A: "She looked old!"

J: "Did she look older than (great) grandma A?"

A (considering): "I think she must have been a ghost or a robot."

J: "So, um, bud; when we go to the renaissance faire, and I dress up and we see Queen Elizabeth, we're acting! Right?"

A (slowly): "Yes..."

J: "So Elizabeth was an actress."

A: "But... how did she know all that stuff about the Mayflower?"

Exciting and New...

Scene: The Living Room.

A (rushing in): "Aaargh! I'm a pirate!"

J: "Why are you a pirate?"

A: "Because I'm mean."

J: "Don't be be mean; love."

A (rolling eyes): "Ugh. No. No love!"

J (singing): "...the Love Boat, soon will be making another run ..."

A (holding hands like pistols): "Pshew! pshew! Pirates are shooting the Love Boat!"

J (indignant): "You can't shoot the Love Boat!"

Holiday Avarice

Scene: Pre-Bed Time, Pre-Shopping Season Catalog Frenzy.

A (from the couch, a catalog in lap): (squeals) "Awesome! I'll have that!" (writes an A next to Haunted Thomas's Laser Crook Lock-Up.)

M (muttering to J in another room): "Don't make me angry with Santa."

A (autographing more war toys): "Awesome!"

J: "A, you remember how Jack Skellington didn't get quite understand what Christmas was about...?"

Fashion Lessons

Scene: Saturday Morning. M has found some blankets in the loft and has laundered them. J, folding the blankets has found "The Cow Robe", a sheet of polar fleece with a cow print on it, slit up the middle to make into a kind of poncho.

A (emerges from his room after retreating from the vacuum cleaner, stops, looks at J, turns head sideways): "Why are you wearing that?"

J (sitting down and beckoning A closer; clasps his hands): "Oh. A, there are going to be several times during your life when you come out of your room, I'm going to be wearing something, and you're going to ask, 'Why are you wearing that?'"

A (nodding dubiously): "Uh huh."

J: "And my answer is going to almost always be, 'Because it's fun.'"

M (at the kitchen sink): "And what exactly do you mean by 'fun'?"