Scene: The dinner table. A and M have just finished their food; J is lingering over his.
M: Hmmm. I have to unload the washer and load the dryer and hang up the shower curtain.
A: (starting to leave). I'll take down the shower curtain!
M: Oh no, mister; you have to ask to be excused.
A: May I be excused?
M: Yes, but only to your room; don't even think about going to the bathroom. I slaved hard to clean that bathroom and you and J are not allowed to pee in it forever.
A: I'm going to go to my room.
M: OK; you can be excused.
(A exits; J raises his eyebrow at M)
A (laughing): I peed!
M: You peed? I didn't hear you pee.
A (laughing more): I peed on the floor. (Grabs M's hand and starts to pull him from the table.
M: Just so you know if you really peed on the floor there's not going to be any video tonight.
(A worried look on his face; grabs a dinner napkin, runs off)
M (calling after A) I think you want to use a towel...
A (returning with a suspicious looking towel; grabs M's hand): Come on. Why are you laughing ?
M & J (putting on poker faces): We're not laughing.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Beach Trip
We went to the beach. A walked down the steps, got to the fist-sized boulders at the high water mark, sat down, and dug for about a half hour. Then he ran around. It was 60F with no wind. In January.
Oh. Yeah, earlier we hiked somewhere. And ate carrots.
Oh. Yeah, earlier we hiked somewhere. And ate carrots.
Friday, January 23, 2009
No Stickers. Ever.
I left A to his own devices for a moment.
He announced that he had put stickers all over the house. Since 1) I didn't particularly want the house branded with various cartoon characters and 2) the adhesive wasn't the best thing for various surfaces, we took them off.
Trying my best to keep my voice calm and level, I asked him, "Buddy, why'd you put stickers all over the house?"
"Because I wanted to make the house talk."
"Uh," I said, taken aback, "how were you going to do that?"
"I'd put the stickers up and then wave my wand."
"And then what?" I asked, wondering where this cartoon-inspired opening of the mouth ritual was going to go.
He continued. "Then I'd take a wire and put one end into headphones and the other end into the wall."
"So, um, where are you going to get the wire?"
"I'm going to make a hole in the ceiling, and then I'll put a poisonous snake into it."
Since this procedure seemed to increase the number of holes in the house I said, "Wow. You've got a good imagination."
Then we peeled each sticker off and put them on his closet (the designated sticker area).
He announced that he had put stickers all over the house. Since 1) I didn't particularly want the house branded with various cartoon characters and 2) the adhesive wasn't the best thing for various surfaces, we took them off.
Trying my best to keep my voice calm and level, I asked him, "Buddy, why'd you put stickers all over the house?"
"Because I wanted to make the house talk."
"Uh," I said, taken aback, "how were you going to do that?"
"I'd put the stickers up and then wave my wand."
"And then what?" I asked, wondering where this cartoon-inspired opening of the mouth ritual was going to go.
He continued. "Then I'd take a wire and put one end into headphones and the other end into the wall."
"So, um, where are you going to get the wire?"
"I'm going to make a hole in the ceiling, and then I'll put a poisonous snake into it."
Since this procedure seemed to increase the number of holes in the house I said, "Wow. You've got a good imagination."
Then we peeled each sticker off and put them on his closet (the designated sticker area).
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Quote of the Week
A: "Oh no (very sincere face of horror), we were practicing 'team work' and Johnny Depp fell in the duck!"
Translation:
"Team work" is what the Wonderpets say.
"Johnny Depp" is a (currently armless) lego pirate.
"The duck" is a laundry hamper.
So, yeah, the child threw a toy into the hamper. M had to work extra hard to find it.
J and M: "The phone / the phone is ringing! / The phone / we'll be right there! / The phone / the phone is ringing! / There's a pirate who's in trouble! / There's a pirate who's in trouble! / There's a pirate who's in trouble somewhere!"
Translation:
"Team work" is what the Wonderpets say.
"Johnny Depp" is a (currently armless) lego pirate.
"The duck" is a laundry hamper.
So, yeah, the child threw a toy into the hamper. M had to work extra hard to find it.
J and M: "The phone / the phone is ringing! / The phone / we'll be right there! / The phone / the phone is ringing! / There's a pirate who's in trouble! / There's a pirate who's in trouble! / There's a pirate who's in trouble somewhere!"
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
How Would Pirates Sing It?
Instructions for making any piece of music a "Pirate Song."
1. Say "argh!" instead of "la" or any actual words. It is permissible to add phrases such as "we will make her walk the plank when she comes," or "we will all put on eye patches when she comes" or "the pirates on the bus say 'shiver me timbers' all over town."
2. At the end of the song, fire a cannon.
1. Say "argh!" instead of "la" or any actual words. It is permissible to add phrases such as "we will make her walk the plank when she comes," or "we will all put on eye patches when she comes" or "the pirates on the bus say 'shiver me timbers' all over town."
2. At the end of the song, fire a cannon.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
No Magic Today.
A decided yesterday that as much as he likes J the librarian, he really doesn't like the magic tricks. So he opted out of Scary Reading Hour. We looked up trains in the on-line catalog and then found the books in the stacks.
A grown-up asked A about animal noises. A was in a silly mood, and wouldn't moo or bark. So I asked him what Sylvester (the Warner Brothers cat) sings. "FI-garo, Figaro, FIgaro!" said A.
We tried to go back to animals by asking about cows. The answer: "Fig-a-Moo!"
Surprisingly, this impressed the grown-up. "Wow, he's smart."
Then I asked him what a pirate says.
A grown-up asked A about animal noises. A was in a silly mood, and wouldn't moo or bark. So I asked him what Sylvester (the Warner Brothers cat) sings. "FI-garo, Figaro, FIgaro!" said A.
We tried to go back to animals by asking about cows. The answer: "Fig-a-Moo!"
Surprisingly, this impressed the grown-up. "Wow, he's smart."
Then I asked him what a pirate says.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Cheesy Magic Tricks
We went to the library for Scary Reading Hour. This month's reader does "Cheesy Magic Tricks" between books. One of the tricks involves a pretty gruesome looking plastic eyeball that disappears and reappears in a plastic vase. The reader tried to check in with A before the reading session to see if he would be OK with the trick.
Ooops.
A turned bright red and started crying. (This from the kid who routinely wants to make people walk the plank or blow things up.) He was inconsolable and we had to leave about one page into the first book (he was dreading when the magic would start). So we looked up a book about trains on the card catalog computer and then A asked one of the other children's librarians for a set of checkers to play with. All of our bags and jackets and stuff were still in the reading room because I though I'd be able to talk A into going back in.
Some checker-stacking filled time later, A (in response to the librarian's and my promptings about the Cheesy Magic Tricks) started to recite "The Whoes Down in Who-ville liked Cheesy Magic a lot. But the Grinch who lived North of Who-ville did not. 'I must find some way to stop Cheesy Magic from coming.'"
I suppose it's a good thing A doesn't know where the Cheesy Magician lives. And if he does find out, I hope the house doesn't have a chimney.
In slightly different library news.... we got a French / English CD of kids' songs. One of them is "This Old Man / Knick-knack." We'd been listening to it for a while until I realized A was singing "Thistle Man, He Played One..."
Hmmm. The Thistle Man. Don't tell Tim Burton.
Ooops.
A turned bright red and started crying. (This from the kid who routinely wants to make people walk the plank or blow things up.) He was inconsolable and we had to leave about one page into the first book (he was dreading when the magic would start). So we looked up a book about trains on the card catalog computer and then A asked one of the other children's librarians for a set of checkers to play with. All of our bags and jackets and stuff were still in the reading room because I though I'd be able to talk A into going back in.
Some checker-stacking filled time later, A (in response to the librarian's and my promptings about the Cheesy Magic Tricks) started to recite "The Whoes Down in Who-ville liked Cheesy Magic a lot. But the Grinch who lived North of Who-ville did not. 'I must find some way to stop Cheesy Magic from coming.'"
I suppose it's a good thing A doesn't know where the Cheesy Magician lives. And if he does find out, I hope the house doesn't have a chimney.
In slightly different library news.... we got a French / English CD of kids' songs. One of them is "This Old Man / Knick-knack." We'd been listening to it for a while until I realized A was singing "Thistle Man, He Played One..."
Hmmm. The Thistle Man. Don't tell Tim Burton.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Vignettes
"I hate that," A declared.
"You're too small to have hate in your soul," I said, placing my palms gently upon his breast and forehead. "Love, love, LOVE!"
"Hate, hate, hate!" he said.
"Love!"
"Hate!"
This went on for a little while until we both started giggling.
The doorbell rang. It was guests for New Year's Waffles.
I was running around like a maniac over the stove, so I told A to let the guests in. He went into the living room and saw them, through the picture glass window, standing on the steps.
He sees J every now and then at the library; he's met G before; he knows D, L and BB from various park outings. But he's never seen all five together at once, standing in trench coats outside the door.
He looked at them, with a suspicious scowl (probably inherited from me) on his face. Then slowly he lifts his hands and shrugs his shoulders. By this time I hadn't heard the front door open yet.
A saw that we had a grapefruit (thanks Grandma).
He also discovered that we own a glass pitcher.
He decided that he had to emulate Ruby from "Max and Ruby," and make "lemonade to raise money for his bunnyscout troupe." A detailed "Max and Ruby" quotation followed.
M says that it will be easier for me when he starts quoting "Monty Python."
A was visiting with some friends.
After they made a car wash with his new cardboard blocks, it was time to put things away. Jo started to help him, noticed she was doing all of the work and said so. A looked really hard at her and said, "I'm counting them."
"A!" I said, "Why must you pull the couch cover off of the couch when I've told you several times today not to?"
A looked at me and said, "It's my nature."
"You're not a wild animal; rise above your nature."
He held his head sideways. "But you said I had the 'pick it' gene."
Did Charles Darwin ever have this sort of situation ?
"You're too small to have hate in your soul," I said, placing my palms gently upon his breast and forehead. "Love, love, LOVE!"
"Hate, hate, hate!" he said.
"Love!"
"Hate!"
This went on for a little while until we both started giggling.
The doorbell rang. It was guests for New Year's Waffles.
I was running around like a maniac over the stove, so I told A to let the guests in. He went into the living room and saw them, through the picture glass window, standing on the steps.
He sees J every now and then at the library; he's met G before; he knows D, L and BB from various park outings. But he's never seen all five together at once, standing in trench coats outside the door.
He looked at them, with a suspicious scowl (probably inherited from me) on his face. Then slowly he lifts his hands and shrugs his shoulders. By this time I hadn't heard the front door open yet.
A saw that we had a grapefruit (thanks Grandma).
He also discovered that we own a glass pitcher.
He decided that he had to emulate Ruby from "Max and Ruby," and make "lemonade to raise money for his bunnyscout troupe." A detailed "Max and Ruby" quotation followed.
M says that it will be easier for me when he starts quoting "Monty Python."
A was visiting with some friends.
After they made a car wash with his new cardboard blocks, it was time to put things away. Jo started to help him, noticed she was doing all of the work and said so. A looked really hard at her and said, "I'm counting them."
"A!" I said, "Why must you pull the couch cover off of the couch when I've told you several times today not to?"
A looked at me and said, "It's my nature."
"You're not a wild animal; rise above your nature."
He held his head sideways. "But you said I had the 'pick it' gene."
Did Charles Darwin ever have this sort of situation ?
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