Ah... Houstin ?

Scene: The Local Playground. A, M, and J have come to launch a vinegar and baking soda plastic rocket.

J (Looking around flat playground equipment with relatively dry wood chips): "Where shall we launch?"

M (indicating a morass of grassy mud): "We can put the launcher here."

J: Oh.... Okay, A; you hold the rocket. (Squirts vinegar from a washed out soap dispenser into the rocket fuselage) One, two, three... (vinegar approaches fill line) ... ten."

A: "We're filling it up with fuel!"

J: (scooping baking soda into launch base) "One, two, three. Okay, give me the rocket."

A: "Okay."

J: "Alright; (tilts rocket and attaches it to base) I'm going to mix the baking soda and vinegar!"

M: "Stand back!"

M and A take several steps back.

J: "Here we go!" (Mixes chemicals and hastily places base down on a grass clump. Jumps back. Chemicals fizz inside rocket, which slowly falls over so that rocket is pointing straight at A.)

M & J (squealing): "Aaaah! Run! A! Run!"

J (Scampering back and forth away from and toward rocket alternatively trying to right it and running away from an imminent toy explosion): "Aaaah! Aaah! Look out!"

M runs toward A. A takes several steps away from the rocket, but manages to stay in its trajectory)

Rocket: "Ppfffffffft!!!" (Rocket sprays carbon dioxide, neutralized vinegar, and baking soda from its tail and lurches five feet, coming to rest at A's feet.)

M (to J): "You aimed that right at the kid!"

J: "It tipped over on a grass clump!"

A: "Let's do it again!"

Four Time Zones Off

A has pretty much been about to explode from all the Christmas excitement.

So it wasn't too surprising when he woke up this morning at 3AM. M tried various attempts to get him to go back to sleep. Eventually they just got up and around 4 AM went around the house, inside and out, looking for signs of Santa. I think they found a wrapper.

M's plan, which I was too asleep to cooperate with, was to open presents at 4 AM and then go back to bed. What happened was that I woke up (for about the twentieth time) and stumbled out of the bedroom at 7:15.

Insert present opening scene here.

And The Award Goes To...

Scene: the car driving to pick up M. J has been interrogating A about the day's school events.

A (from the back seat): "J, J; you'll never guess! Elizabeth from the Mayflower came to our class today!"

J (recalling that the class is studying the Mayflower for Thanksgiving): "Oh, that's right, P and D told us about she would be visiting. What did she tell you?"

A: "Her husband fell overboard on the Mayflower and had to pulled up by ropes."

J (dodging traffic): "Oh."

A: "But J, there's something that's not quite right."

J: "What's that?"

A: "Well (pronounced "Weh-ell") how can she be visiting us if she was on the Mayflower? She must have been four hundred years old."

J (impressed and amused at kindergartner math and logic): "Well, I don't think she was four hundred years old. What do you think. (Trying another tactic) How old was she, did look older than Grandma J?"

A: "She looked old!"

J: "Did she look older than (great) grandma A?"

A (considering): "I think she must have been a ghost or a robot."

J: "So, um, bud; when we go to the renaissance faire, and I dress up and we see Queen Elizabeth, we're acting! Right?"

A (slowly): "Yes..."

J: "So Elizabeth was an actress."

A: "But... how did she know all that stuff about the Mayflower?"

Exciting and New...

Scene: The Living Room.

A (rushing in): "Aaargh! I'm a pirate!"

J: "Why are you a pirate?"

A: "Because I'm mean."

J: "Don't be be mean; love."

A (rolling eyes): "Ugh. No. No love!"

J (singing): "...the Love Boat, soon will be making another run ..."

A (holding hands like pistols): "Pshew! pshew! Pirates are shooting the Love Boat!"

J (indignant): "You can't shoot the Love Boat!"

Holiday Avarice

Scene: Pre-Bed Time, Pre-Shopping Season Catalog Frenzy.

A (from the couch, a catalog in lap): (squeals) "Awesome! I'll have that!" (writes an A next to Haunted Thomas's Laser Crook Lock-Up.)

M (muttering to J in another room): "Don't make me angry with Santa."

A (autographing more war toys): "Awesome!"

J: "A, you remember how Jack Skellington didn't get quite understand what Christmas was about...?"

Fashion Lessons

Scene: Saturday Morning. M has found some blankets in the loft and has laundered them. J, folding the blankets has found "The Cow Robe", a sheet of polar fleece with a cow print on it, slit up the middle to make into a kind of poncho.

A (emerges from his room after retreating from the vacuum cleaner, stops, looks at J, turns head sideways): "Why are you wearing that?"

J (sitting down and beckoning A closer; clasps his hands): "Oh. A, there are going to be several times during your life when you come out of your room, I'm going to be wearing something, and you're going to ask, 'Why are you wearing that?'"

A (nodding dubiously): "Uh huh."

J: "And my answer is going to almost always be, 'Because it's fun.'"

M (at the kitchen sink): "And what exactly do you mean by 'fun'?"

October 2010 Slideshow

The elementary school sickness hit us. And then it was Halloween. And then it was post-Halloween. So here are the pictures we should have put up a while back:

Making Christmas

Okay... in what possibly might be Tactical Video Error Number Three, we just let A see the first half of Tim Burton's Nightmare Before Christmas. A is now vowing to create hand-made Christmas presents with fangs.

I am secretly pleased that NBC is getting such a good reception, although A) it's probably for the wrong reasons (monsters! making scary gifts!) and B) I expect we might be hearing about it at the next parent-teacher conference.

Great Moments In Sunday

Scene: Aunt J's house. M & A are home resting and fighting off illness while J is visiting out of town. Grandpa H has just finished his rendition of non-traditional version "Jingle Bells"

J (anticipating hearing (ahem) "Jingle Bells" in excess of a million times): "*Please* don't sing that in front of A."

Grandpa H (grinning evilly): "How much is it worth to ya?"


Later, back at home.... M & A are negotiating an evening of games.

M: "...I'm not going to play violent card games. (Walks away) If you want to play Slap-Jack, you can play it by yourself."

A (lays out a line of cards): (SLAP!) "Ha! I got it! (SLAP!) I win! (SLAP) Mine!..."

Do You Remember the Ring?

Some opera-lover friends visited.

Going to School!

The other night was a rough one for A. It involved M getting up and reading a couple of stories to him, and propping him up with blankets and a Really Big Bowl (just in case). At 1:30 AM.

Naturally, A did not spring Wide Awake at 5:45 AM. So we assumed that the next day would be a stay at home day.

Much later than usual (long after M had left), A's bedroom door flung open and out came A.

J: "Good morning. How's your stomach?"

A: (After a second of thought) "Good." (Another pause) "I slept a long time."

J: "Yeah, Bud. You slept so much that M and I think you should stay home from school today."

A: "But I feel fine."

J: (Noticing that school officially starts in less than a half an hour.) "Well, it's awfully late."

A: "No. J! (stomping his foot) I'm not sick!"

J: "Okay, okay; I'll take your temperature..."

He didn't have a temperature.

J: "... I don't know; it's against my better judgement..."

A (proclaiming): "I'm going to school!" (Rushes over to couch and puts on his shoes.

J: "Bud, you're in your pj's; let's get you dressed..."

Skeleton Pirate Ghost

Well... A said he wanted to be a Pirate Skeleton Ghost this year. And M, with that ability of his to find things, found a costume on Super Sale! I'm pretty sure that this costume obligates either M or J to wear a hat that has been super-saturated in phosphorus and then set it alight.

Moments after this picture was taken, M found A around the corner, in a very still heap on a couch, pretending to be dead. A was practicing: he says he wants to wait, partially hidden in a leaf pile, then jump out at Trick-o-Treaters and scare them so badly that he gets their Halloween candy.

And to think two years ago, he thought handing out candy bars was the best thing ever, and made us ring the doorbell on November 1 eve in order to give us more.

Kindergarten Photos

Waiting before class on the first day of kindergarten.










And a few weeks later, the Very First Kindergarten homework. Only seventeen more years to go!

First Weeks of Kindergarten

A's been going to kindergarten.

Recent kindergarten adventures:

Snoring during nap time.

Saying that he saw Zachary Taylor coming back from the White House on his horse during an eye exam (there was a horse on the eye chart).

Changing the words to a song about a baby doll from sweet caring ones to mean ones (probably using the Five Words Most Amusing to Five Year Old Boys: fart, butt, wiener, poop, & vomit).

Telling various school staff members all about the presidents (with a focus on their horrible demises).

Learning the entire Star Wars (cartoon) pantheon in spite of the fact that A) we don't have a television and B) Star Wars is something we're not going to show him until he's twelve.

Removing his socks and hiding them somewhere on the school grounds (yes, they came back in a big plastic bag).

Discovering The Best Thing Ever: Hot Lunch. Who knew?

Dental Halloween Hijinx

Scene: Grandma J and Grandpa H's house. A, who has been eating an apple, has made the discovery that one of his lower incisors is very loose.

J (leading A upstairs to phone relatives): "Come on, A; we should call Grandma M."

A (following J through lower hallway to stairs): "This would be a great haunted house."

J (reaching the stairs): "Yeah; Aunt J and I used to decorate this house to be haunted during Halloween."

A (finger in mouth): "J! J! I've got something to show you." (Points at stairs)

J: "What?"

A: "Look! Blood!"

J looks down at a small puddle of saliva and blood on one of the stairs.

A (proudly): "I made a mysterious blood stain [just like Oscar Wilde's Canterville Ghost]!"

J (running upstairs to get a wet cloth): Uh, A; make sure you stay off the carpet and don't touch any furniture, OK ?"

More Zoo Photos

One of the things we did was ride the Zoo Train!


















Guess who fell asleep ?













I guess the ninty minutes spent in the dinosaur exhibit was exhausting.

Summer Vaction Photos

A and J went to the zoo the other week. J just noticed how Evil A looks (in fairness, J looks like some sort of disguised cleric on vacation).
















Last weekend we all went to Cape Blanco. A was very brave and climbed up all the see through steps. The volunteers were very professional in their warnings about Not Touching The Optics.


















After the lighthouse...
and pretending that we had No Idea it was there...



















We went to The Prehistoric Gardens !

(Only a little bit older than J, but who's counting?)













And ran around on the paths five times.














The next day we went back to the Cape Blanco beach. The tide was very low and all the treacherous rocks were exposed.


















We found the bones of a large (apparently) mammalian sea creature. Or two.

















With conjecture on their probable connection.

Is This A Touching Moment, Or Should We Be Disturbed?

Scene: A and J are driving home after a swimming class.

A (from the back seat): "J! I want to have a Abraham Lincoln themed party -- "

J (imagining readings of the Emancipation Proclamation and the Gettysburg Address): "Oh." (Not so secretly pleased that A is voraciously learning about all the American Presidents.)

A (continuing) " -- that way I can be John Wilkes Booth and you can be Abraham Lincoln and I can shoot you in the back of the head!"

J: A! That's just wrong! There's no way we are having that kind of re-enactment at a party (Thankful that we haven't played Stephen Sondheim's Assassins.)


I guess I should expect this sort of thing from someone whose favorite presidents are William Howard Taft and Richard Milhouse Nixon.

High Culture

SCENE ONE: A's room. He's been working on something secret using Tinker Toys. Tinker Toys are on a trail basis, as A) there's a weapons ban going on and B) last time the Tinker Toys were out, there was blood...


A: (easing door open) "OK, J, you can come in."

J: (looking around) "Whatcha working on?"

A: (indicating a collection of Tinker Toys on a small table with a wave of his hand): "Welcome to my museum. On display are some ancient weapons -- "

J: (suppressing a snort at this work-around)

A: "-- from the medieval times. This is an old sword that doesn't work any more. They would have held it like this... (demonstrates sword).

J: (beginning to protest) "Buddy, it's great that -- "

A: "And this is an old Japanese Katana... (demonstrates this sword in a style different from its European counterpart)

J: "Um..."

A: "And this is an ancient flintlock pistol. They would have taken the ammunition out of here (pantomimes using a rod to ram a charge wad and bullet down the pistol bore) and put it in here..."

J: "So, A..."

A: "Do you like my museum?"




SCENE TWO

A and J are having dinner (it is M's night out). The radio is playing the final Liebestod aria from Wagner's "Tristan und Isolde."

J: "...so they've both drunk a magic potion and they're deeply in love with each other, and there's been a fight and he's mortally wounded."

A: "Is he dead?"

J: "Oh no; he's dying from mortal woulds and she's holding him in her arms while she sings about how they'll be Eternally United in the Hereafter." (Mimes singing High Opera at the dinner table and lip syncs with the soprano.)

A: "Oh J; shhh."

The dinner progresses while Isolde sings about "Love Death." The final notes fade away.

A: "J, I... I don't like this song." (Burst into tears)

J: "A, A, what's the matter?"

A by this time has turned read and is still crying.

J: "Are you crying because Tristan is dead?"

A (emphatic nodding)

The Wagner opera comes to and end.

This is Halloween

A is particularly focused on creating a Haunted House for Halloween. Never mind that M's birthday, Labor Day, the first day of Kindergarten, and the Autumnal Equinox all come first; A wants Halloween to happen now.

SCENE: driving from the local hardware store to home. A has been grilling J about preparations.

A: "...and what else could we put into our spOOooOOooky Haunted MAAaantion for HalloweeEEeen?"

J: (still driving, but able to keep the word 'rabid' out of the following list) "We could have mutant squirrels with laser eyes."

A: "Oh J! That would never work; that's not scary, that's just cool."

Now and Forever

A's looking ahead to his next birthday (yes, it's a year away...). The theme (at least this week) might be Cats. A's favorite cat at the moment is Skimbleshanks, the Railway Cat -- although based on how the CD just got reset, the Magical Mr. Mistoffelees may be giving the railway cat a run for the money.

Yes, we've broken out T.S. Elliot's Old Possum's Guide to Practical Cats in order to stave off multiple playings of Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Fathers' Day Remembered

2010-06-20 Sunday

Happy Father's Day!

We went to Dutch Wonderland! Think Enchanted Forest. Think Disney. Think, electric powered, full-motion water cannons and Evil Five Year Olds.

M and J went on a quick coaster ride. It was fast enough that they got smooshed together on the curves, but not so fast that M didn't get sick. It was kind of too fast to be romantic.

M and J reconnected with Aunt M, Cousin D, and A back at the Frog Prince show. This was a diving show, featuring three guys in frog costumes leaping into a deep pool to Renaissance Knight Music. Insert Wicked Magician here, and obligatory splashing of the audience by a frog using the Old King as a target. Luckily, a quick fetal curl around the digital camera saved it.

Then we went to a portion of the park that provided Very Large Water Guns for small children to practice their marksmanship with. This place was an oasis of gushing opportunity for the wicked. While every song ever sung by The Beach Boys played. Loudly. "...Do you love me, do you, surfer girl..." Of course, A loved it; probably because he found another Evil Five Year Old, and they poured water on younger children.

We took many turns down water slides. Along the way out we stopped at various carnival rids. On the carousel, J tried to recapture the romance of the Playland Carousel with M, A insisted that his horse had gone the fastest, and M worked hard to not throw up.

When the day was over, A and Cousin D fell asleep leaning on each other in Aunt M's van (sorry no picture). They woke up twenty minutes later almost fully re-charged.

The evening ended back at Aunt M's, when J suggested that "Snap" would be a less violent card game than "Slapjack." He was wrong.

A was disappointed when we didn't go back to Dutche Wonderland the next day. Or the day after that. Or the day after that.

More East Cost Vacation...

2009-06-15 Tuesday


We (M, M, J and A) piled into a car and drove up to visit M, M, M & M at their new house at New Paltz. Last time we visited the house, it was mostly a shell around their old cabin. Now, it's mostly house around a Very Large Living Space. A loved the two trap doors in the floor and all of M and M's pirate toys.

The drive home featured 100,000 fireflies.



2009-06-16 Wednesday

We rented a car for a Big Road Trip to Virginia. We saw lots of toll booths. M had detailed instructions to his Brother, M's house. This was a good thing -- because who would have believed that M & J (and S & J) live just a couple of miles from the Walton's Museum (yes, as in "John-Boy").

As we drove in, the World's Biggest Thunderstorm blew in. M kept reminding me of the possibility that the river might flow over the final stretches of road. We pointed out the spooky haunted Southern mansions to A (for Sale!).

That night, as we were eating dinner, the electricity went out and we went to sleep to the quiet and the moonlight.


2010-06-17 Thursday.

The Virginia Relatives hosted us at their country house. We reacquainted ourselves with Mow the Chow (ancient) and a less older Shamus.




M set up the Monopoly board on the grass. And we had a few rounds. Uncle M dressed as Marvin (the) Garden(er). Aunt J wore beach wear as Mediterranean Avenue. Cousin J wore over-alls with a pillow tucked in and a long stem o grass in her mouth -- there was debate whether she was Virginia, Tennessee or North Carolina Ave. Boyfriend H dressed as Oriental Avenue, with a really cool Dragon Sword.

A wore his Mr Moneybags outfit, and promptly discovered that he was too warm. So I held an umbrella over his head to keep him from overheating.

We also had only one die, which added an extra dimension to getting doubles.






2010-06-18 Friday

J decided that it was too hot sleeping in the second story room, so at midnight he wandered downstairs to look at the stars (and pee). The screened in gazebo was available, and after re-arranging some futons, he fell asleep listening to the rushing water from Uncle M's fountain. And the night-sounds of distant dogs killing something.

A, M, and Uncle M went on an archeological dig, and J stayed inside, out of the bugs and sun, to write.

A, M and Uncle M returned about an hour later with a trophy from their dig -- an old cow skull. A thought it might be a triceratops skull. A showed me the teeth, which were a plant eater's teeth, and the place he thought the horns aught to go. M says that he was just playing along and that he knew it was a cow skull the entire time.

Probably somewhere around here is where A thought that "Camp M" was the greatest and that Uncle M was the coolest (East Coast) relative.

Stamp of Approval ?

We're back and we've unpacked and now it's time to write Thank You Notes.

Given that A has some pretty creative ideas about letter placement, J thought it would easier to make Thank You Notes if we used a stamp pad. So, after gluing some letters to a block, we now have a our very own stamp which reads "hank you," only as a mirror image.

Today's attempt at creating actual Thank You Letterhead featured some water color paints. J had a vague notion that A could use globs of colored paint to make individualized stamped Thank Yous. But. A) the paint was too globby and got all over the stamp, B) we didn't have an inking brayer, and C) A thought it would be best to paint the home-made stamp with hues of red and blue.

On to take two....

Dinosaur Heaven

2009-06-14 Monday

After a car swap, we M managed to drive us into the parking garage of The Museum of Natural History. A sort of knew that we would see dinosaurs, but I guess he didn't know exactly what to expect. He was in the lead, and rounded a corner into the room of the Jurassic era. His eyes widened, and I'd swear that they turned into flashlight bulbs. "Guys!" he said, "Come on!" and he was off to Dinosaur Heaven.


I think at some point M observed that 1) it was my job to photo-document things and that 2) I had a bias against A in favor of things like buildings, flowers, sculptures and architecture.

My reply was that I took photos of those things because they actually stood still long enough to be photographed. At which point (Aunt) M commented that, the ratio of blurry A's to non-blurry A's in the previous days' photos was rather high....





We wanted to take (Aunt) M and V out for dinner for all the hard work they did for A's Big Monopoly Party. The plan was to visit Times Square for a moment (A has been listening to "A Cricket in Times Square"). On the way, a man collapsed just on the yellow caution line next to the subway train, so it couldn't move (and they couldn't move the man until EMT's came).

Then in an exchange, V & M got into an elevator to spare M's joints from walking up some stairs and the elevator went down to Dante's 9th Circle. It came back.

By the time we actually got out into the light of day, A had fallen asleep on M's shoulders. He awoke on the floor of Toys R Us, a four-story extravaganza with a four-story Ferris wheel, a life-sized animatronic Tyrannosaurus Rex, tons of Legos, and a clerk who flew a toy helicopter into M. Twice. We're pretty sure it was some kind of geek-boy flirty thing.

The Big Monopoly Birthday Party

2009-06-12 Saturday

The Big Monopoly Party

I don't quite remember when A said that he wanted a Monopoly Party. It must have been sometime shortly after we read Mark Teague's "Pigsty," the book that started A's fascination with the Parker Brothers' classic game of capitalism.

The big question of the day was would it rain or not. So, early-ish in the humid morning, Cousin K helped with the tents and tarps, directed by Aunt M (formerly with Treasure Island).

The second question was, would I (J) have my costume ready in time. Luckily, I was; my role was "Chance, the ABBA interpretation." I taped a photo of ABBA onto my breast and had a "chance orange" caption which read, "Take a chance on me." I also had orange "Take a chance on me" cards with my phone number written on at the bottom.

A dressed up as Mr. Moneybags, with white shirt, black shoes, pants, and shoes, and tailcoat. We forgot about his cane (which was a good thing, as he very likely would have whacked someone with it).

M, with his usual flair for preparedness, strapped on his duct tape Scottie dog token, conceived, designed, created and modeled in time for it to be mailed to Grandma M's.

Grandma M wore glamorous sequins and a sash as Boardwalk (the most expensive property on the board).

LGL came in a fancy tuxedo as The Banker, which was mandatory, as he is in real life an honest-to-goodness New York City Wall Street Banker. He and A sat in the middle of the board handing out money and deeds. They had a great time, as LGL informed A that "the banker always wins."

Uncle M (Buffalo) came as a News Paper Boy and shouted out how there was a new chairman of the board (he came equipped with $50 bills, which he used as counterfeit cash curing the game). Aunt K (Buffalo) came bedecked as Marvin Gardens. Cousin M (Cursed with House Snakes) dressed in a furry hat as Vermont Avenue. His brother, Cousin P and his (P's) boyfriend, M, came as "The Dice Boys," and threw the red inflatable dice.


Cousin M (of New Paltz) dressed as a $500 bill, and Cousin M (of New Paltz) dressed as a House.

Cousin C dressed as a Hobo, and his brother B dressed in a ski outfit as Vermont Ave. Sister, Cousin D came as the person from the card who "Won Second Place in a Beauty Contest."

Aunt M (formerly with Treasure Island) and Aunt M (B, C & D's mother) dressed as Waterworks and the Electric Company, respectively. Cousin M (cursed with house snakes) did an impromptu wire-job so that Aunt M's faucet had twirly paper-streamer water and Aunt M's light bulb hat really lit.

Great Uncle M came as a railroad conductor, and Great Aunt J put on her jewels as Luxury Tax.

Cousin V wore a black slinky dress and a hula-hoop with a tin-foil diamond on it, also as Luxury Tax. Her husband, J, came in his real-live honest-to-goodness Police Uniform (he left his gun and handcuffs at home, but brought a water squirter).


Cousin K (Works Hard) dressed up as Oriental Avenue. Cousin K (from Russia with Love) dressed up as the Statue of Liberty so she could be New York Avenue.


There were other games... and a Monopoly Board Ice Cream cake with six candles (the extra candle was for good luck). Everyone had a fun time and the party lasted until late into the night.

Birthday Workshop

After many nights' toil, filled with stenciling, cutting, painting, magic-markering, and coloring, we finally managed to finish off one aspect of the upcoming Monopoly Birthday Extravaganza.

















There's still the table and tarp, rulers and T-squares to be put away.







M gave all the properties a final spray of fixative. J wants everyone to know that he was having some interesting dreams and would wake up to the scent of magic marker while M, who had arisen Very Early, was putting finishing touches on things.







M laid out the finished squares and A dressed up (again!) as Mr. Moneybags so we could get an idea about how large this whole thing would be. Then we sent it off via the Postal Service to Grandma M's for birthday fun later.






A helped out.

















So far I haven't seen anyone's costume suggestions, but there's some rumors going around about "Community Chest."

Mr Moneybags

Things are gearing up at our house for A's Birthday Party. He has requested a Monopoly Theme so that he can dress up in the starring role of Mr. Moneybags.

So we're working on the invitations and making poster-board real estate spaces so we can turn any room into a giant monopoly board.














A is really into the whole thing and has been asking us to help him dress up in his Mr. Moneybags outfit (and has even given up "Smoking" (imaginary) cigars for the privilege of wearing the costume). More pictures here.

Do You Believe in Magic ?

Scene: post-breakfast living room. A, who has checked out a few books on magic tricks, is standing at the coffee table.

A places two pennies, a dime, and a plastic piece-of-eight into a paper. Folds paper (after asking nicely for some after being admonished that playing cards mustn't be folded). Dances over it, waving hands in the air. "Ala-ka-dabrica Go away! Go away! Snick, snack, snorum!" Flings paper into the air. The observer is unsure about the trajectory of the coinage. "TaAaAa-DaAaAh!!"

Probably the most entertaining moment is when A watched J palm a coin and then still believed that J had made it magically appear ten seconds later.

April / May Photos

Show and tell at school. A was very excited.



















I believe the quote was, "You'd better work!"


















One of many Mr. Moneybags poses.



















Although all of the Calvin and Hobbes books have been locked in a vault, A seems to have taken a page from the Calvin school of photography.

News Udate

The Pirate Ban is back. A's been a little too rough (and rude) at preschool, so all fighters and fighting toys have been put away for a while.

A is getting ready for his Birthday; we're going to have a Monopoly Themed party. A says he wants to be Mr. Moneybags. Various family members want to be "Go to Jail." Mark's going to be the Dog Token, and I'm going to be "Chance." ("Honey, I'm still free; take a chance on me...")

I Need A Hero

A (coming out of his room): "J! You want to see my Bad Guy Machine?"

J (sipping his morning tea): "Okay."

(they walk into A's room)

J: "Wow." There's what looks like a four-way computer screen (made of long blocks) and what obviously look like...

A: "And these are levers! When I pull them the entire world will be FILLED WITH POPCORN! Mwa-ha-ha-HA HA!"

(J reflects that A sounds an awful lot like Backyardigan Austin (the kangaroo) in his bad buy role as The Gloom-meister.)

80's Music

Scene: A and M are going on an errand. J is listening to Corey Lee sing, "I Will Be the Flame."

M (suddenly reversing course from the front door to the garage): "Oh! I need to get a bag."

A (running to the front door and opening it): "OK! See you at the store!"

J (stepping away from the computer): "No, A; wait for M."

A: "I'm opening the door."

J: "No. Wait; here - dance with me. See; step, step; shoulder, shoulder, roll your shoulder."

M: "Augh! No, you can't teach him that dance!"

A: "Too Late!" (demonstrates a four-year-old version of raised-arm shoulder rolls).

M: "Be sure you tell folks your dad, who likes 80's Music, taught you that dance."

(Scene where J's musical taste is insulted deleted.)

J (thinking to himself): "Gee, I mean, really, The Backyardigans already taught him most of that dance...."

New Web Cam

Blog this...

A says: "I like sphinxes. And why would they have mummies instead of putting them in graves. Because it seems weird to me because I am very wondering that they could have just put mummies in coffins and dropped them in graves. I think it would be gooey and icky and gross becuase... why would you scooop someone's brains out?"

And.. "Yes, to the bottom of a bannana!"

"And trains are smelly. Bats fly, but we don't."

And. (No! J, J, type this!) "We do not have wells anymore. And we don't have inkwells or feathers anymore. And its weird that they had feathers instead of just pens, because... we have pens, but they don't have pens, they have feathers. And I really like cakes and pancakes...."

Subversive Art

Scene: The Library Children's Catalog Terminal

A: (clicking on Yet Another Arthur the Aardvark DVD) "I want to get this one."

J: "Hey, bud; I just spoke with the librarians, (A navigates to another DVD in his search results) and they told me that there's a limit to the number of holds (A clicks on the "PLACE HOLD" button again) you can place. It's thirty. And you're about to hit it."

A silently makes another hold request.

Terminal: "Unable to process your hold request: You have reached the limit of items you can have on hold."

J: "See, A; it says you can't make any more holds."

A: "I want all the library shelves to be EMPTY! Mwha-ha-ha-ha HA!"




Scene: The Library in the 700-stacks.

J: "Hey, A; here's a Really Big Book on Michelangelo. Wanna get it?"

A: "Sure. Hey, look! How come there's pictures of people's penises?!"

J: "Back then there wasn't such a big taboo on penises." (starts the Long Walk toward the circulation desk.)

A: "And butts!"

J: "Yeah, well -" (glancing around at other patrons in the stacks)

A: "Penises and butts!"

J: "Um, A..." (trying not to laugh too much)

A: Penises! And Butts!"

J: "A, you can't shout taboo words in the Library."

Quck Update

The Pirate Ban is over. One of the clerks at the local supermarket helped us celebrate with Piratical Music.

A still enjoys playing Monopoly (tournament rules), but likes his new game, "Loot," which is sort of like "bridge meets The Golden Age of Piracy." A's strategy is to save all his cards (I think so he can see the trumping "captain pirate cards").

It's spring break, and M decided that we'd be better served if A stopped napping. So this has been an interesting week.

We went hiking at the local arboretum. A recent big-cat scare insured that all four boys on the hike grabbed sticks for a re-enactment of "Peter and the Cougar." Or was that the chapter from A.A. Milne, "In Which Tigger is Unbounced" ? I'm pretty sure all the wildlife in a three mile radius fled.

We saw "Dora the Explorer" for the first time the other night. A wants to be... (wait for it)... Swiper, the tricky fox who steals everything. Thanks, Dora.


Oh. Right. The Dinosaur Phase has officially started (since sometime last week). There would have been a blog posting about it, but we're too busy learning the difference between the Cretaceous, Mesozoic, Triassic, and Jurassic. A wants to be... (wait for it)... Tyrannosaurus Rex, and routinely walks around with his hands held as claws next to his chest while asking, "You want to see my scary teeth?" Already he's cornered face painters at two separate events and demanded they paint most of his face as huge dino-teeth and then holds up his hands to get a claw treatment. I can't decide if they're happy to not be painting Yet Another Rainbow Butterfly on some kid's face, or if A's Secret I-Am-A-Blond-Blue-Eyed-Four-Year-Old-You-Are-Getting-Sleepy Powers are still working.

The Circle of Algebra...

Scene: Dinner at Grandma and Grandpa's.

A (poking at his hamburger): "J, I don't want to go to school."

J (a little surprised): "Why not?"

A (mater-of-factly): "I already know everything."

G.J. (laying a trap with the stealth of a lioness on the Serengeti): "Oh, do you know how to do algebra?"

A (like a springbok caught in headlights): "What's algebra?"

G.J (pouncing): "Ah-ha!"

G.H (pointing): "See! See!"

(A nearly launches from his chair in surprise)

J (laughing): "They got you, bud...."

Please Don't Let Me Be One of Those Parents...

Scene: The park. A is running of with H to a far corner from the sandbox area, where the parents are.

J (yelling across the park): "A, come back; we want you to stay near us."

A (yelling back): "No. H says I have to go around the pool."

J (realizing he's yelling across the park): "H is not your father. Let's not yell this discussion across the park."

A: "Let's!" (turns to run after H...)

Bathtime with William Blake

Scene A is taking a Very Long Bath while J reads "The Collected Works of William Blake" to him. Having dispensed with "The Tyger," "The Poison Tree," and what Mr. Blake was talking about when he "had a pretty little rose tree," we are moving forward to other poems.

A (while filling a plastic duck with water): "J, find one that's really weird."

J (flipping around the book): "Okay..." (looking for something that's only about twenty-four lines long...) "Oh. Here. -- Wow, buddy, this one was written in 1808, it's over two hundred years old. (Straightens up on the toilet).

TO THE QUEEN

The Door of Death is made of Gold, / That Mortal --"

A: "J! J! Does that mean that it's made of gold and when you touch it, you die?!"

J (smiling slightly at the Aladdin reference): "No, I don't think that's what it means, let's see what the rest of the poem says..."


The scene continues, concluding with a faux-British accent rendition of "And did those feet in ancient times / Walk upon England's mountains green..."
. . .

A: "J, is William Blake a little over the top?"

J: "Well... yeah."

Long Term Pirate Time-Out

A had been warned by M. He karate chopped another kid at the playground, and the result is that all things piratical have been boxed. The pirate figures, the treasure maps, the tricorns hats, the pirate books, the doubloons, the boats -- they're all going into storage because pirates are a bad influence that teach us to be violent.

So. Please refrain from sending piratical items for a month -- until the Equinox.

Bowling for Children

A couple of weeks M and A went bowling. They had a good time, so all of us went this evening.

A got a lot of gutter balls, so we asked for the bumpers.

M and J broke 100 (barely) the first game.

We won't discuss the second game...

Theological Drama

Scene: The Living Room. J is doing his morning stretching exercises and A is preparing to go out.

A: "J, I think God is too dramatic, so I'm just going to pray for myself."

J: "God is too dramatic; what do you mean?"

A: "Well, God is all about love right?"

J: "Yeah."

A: "And love makes people cry when they're happy."

J: "So that's why God is too dramatic?"

A: "Yeah."

Skiing!

M and A went skiing. They had a lot of fun. I'm not sure if there are any pictures, A says there are and I'll have to convince M to send them over.

M says that A waved and said, "HI!" to everyone while they were on the ski lift and that for all ten-plus runs that they did, A sang Jingle Bells at the top of his voice.

M says A has good balance.

"...And Wisdom to Hide the Bodies."

J is struggling through breakfast waiting for the caffeine to kick in. A has awoken in a flash and is energetically running around the house possessed by the Spirit of Bright Eyed And Bushy Tailed.

A (bounding up to the breakfast table with toys): "J, you want to see a pirate prayer?"

J (dutifully eating some oatmeal): "Um..."

A: "It's not about killing." (Tries to hide toy cannon.)

J (reaching for some fortifying tea): "Okay..."

A: "So first you take the pirate (takes plastic pirate figure) and you put him in a box (puts hapless pirate into a small treasure chest).... (suddenly remembering that the pirate has to die non-violently) he's very sick, and he dies."(closes the chest over the pirate). His friends are very sad. They scoop out his soul... and they scoop out his brains...

(J resists a smile at this Egyptian cross-over)

... and they take his soul and put it into a cannon ball (positions cannon at dead pirate in a chest) and they fire! (sweeps the dead pirate off the breakfast table) and fire him into the sea!"

J (genuinely confused): "That's the prayer?"

A: "Yeah. Because, J, they had to take the soul out of the pirate and kill him and put him into the water -- but no one would know one of the pirates was dead because he was at the bottom of the sea."

J (less confused): "So, that's the prayer? That no one will find the dead pirate?"

A: "Yeah." (Runs off to rip up pirate treasure maps into teeny tiny shreds...)

Graveyard Photos

It's Rainy and Dreary...

M: "So, A; what do you want to do today?"

A: "I want to see a graveyard and a castle."

So we did. We went to the local pioneer graveyard. After about a half-hour of taking photographs, we drove to a nearby winery. Through a lucky series of events, we got to climb up into the tower! And the winery has its very own pioneer graveyard, too; so mortuarial perambulations were the order of the day.

...and as the Fox in the School Play...

A's class put on a play last Friday. The parts were assigned randomly by "The Sticks of Destiny!" (which explains some utterances at home). Friday, the Sticks of Destiny said that A would be the Fox.

Firework Rewards

Scene: early evening. A has been relatively good all afternoon, so M has promised to bring out the fireworks. Strangely enough, the conversation had been a review of when and when not to call 911.

(M goes into the garage and returns with explosives.)

A (to the house in general): "Fireworks fill my heart with joy!"

(J & M smile.)

A: "J! J! If I had a cannon ..."

J (to M): "If I had a cannon..."

M (singing): "If I had a cannon..."

J (also singing): "I'd fire it in the mor-or-or-nig / I'd fire it in the evening / all over this land / I'd fire out justice! -"

A: "J!"

J: "- I'd fire out freedom! -"

A: "J! J! You're being too loud!"

M and A head out the front door.

M: "J, would you get the salad tongs so I can pick up the used fireworks?"

J gets the salad tongs from the kitchen and steps out onto the front porch.

J: "I'll stand here so I can call 911."

M: "That's what cell phones are for. A, do you want the Butterflies, or the spinning Wheel of Death?"

A: "Spinning Wheel of Death!"

Happy Holidays

The Photographer at Work

We went to visit some friends.

















They are remodelling their house, so there was minimal furniture.












What's the coolest thing if you're a pre-school boy? Bigger boys!