Another Enchanting Meal

Scene: the nook. A is returning to the lunch table after being told that he needs to wash his hands after going to the bathroom.

A (smiling): "M, I didn't wash my hands."

M (who heard water): "What did you wash?"

A (triumphant): "I washed my butt!"

M: "A, we don't eat at the table with our butt."

J (mentally slapping hand to forehead and thinking, "Ix-nay on the utt-bay.")

A (predictably): "I'm going to eat with my butt!" (climbs up on chair).

M: "I'm sorry you're making bad decisions, we'll have food later."

J removes plate of mostly eaten sandwich and grape stems.

A: "I'll do it anyway!..."

(meal degenerates into four-year-old disciplinary session ...)