¡Hola, Yo Soy un Fugative!

Scene: The kitchen lunchtime table. J is explaining the U.S. legal system.

J: "... so that's the difference between an infraction, a misdemeanor, and a felony."

A: "How long would they put you in jail?"

J: "Well, okay... let's say that you were playing with caltrops on the sidewalk, and you left them there to go in, and K (our neighbor) walked on them. We'd go to court before the judge, and the judge would give us a sentence -- "

A: "But what if we really really had to go to the bathroom bady, and that's why we left them there."

J: "The judge might take that into account and only fine us $20 to pay for K's tetanus shot. We might get a more lenient sentence if we put up a sign on the sidewalk that said, "Danger Caltrops" and K didn't read the sign.

A: "So what if we do it again?"

J: "Oh! Well, if we're repeat offenders, then the judge would give us a more stringent sentence."

A: "I don't want the judge to be stern with us."

J: "Well, the best way is to not do anything wrong."

A: "I don't want the judge to give us a sentence; so I'd build a trap door and send the judge down it."

J: "Oh! Buddy, I'm pretty sure tampering with judges is a federal felony. They'd just send another judge."

A: "I'd send that one down the trapdoor, too; I just want you, me and M in the courtroom."

J: "A, we'd have to run to the Mexican border ...."