Be Careful What You Wish For

Scene: The Enchanted Forest. Cloudy, with a 60% chance of showers and a high of 50F. Tinkly synthesizer harp arpeggios and florid electronic trumpet chords.

A (in rush mode; runs past damp concrete sculpted towers and up to The Challenge of Mordor Mondor): "J! J! Let's go on this ride!"

J (thinking a cart-driven ride through dark rooms to shoot animatronic goblins is not his first choice for entertainment rides): "Um, I dunno; have you been on this ride before?"

A (waving a ride bracelet in front of an attendant grateful to have something to do): "Sure."

J: "Are you sure?"

A: "Yeah."

J (digging out some tickets and running age appropriateness models against his memory of the ride): "Oh... kay..."

(They sit down in an armed electric cart while the attendant goes through her shpiel. The cart rolls away.)

Attendant: "Remember, the monsters are wearing blue medallions! Be sure to aim for those!

A (thinking): Monsters. Monsters. Monsters.

Animatronic Gandalf Wizard (while synthesizer music from Ye Olde Time tinkles and crashes around us): "Today, we write a manifesto. Today, our second sentence starts with the first word of our first sentence...."

J (paraphrasing): "So we're supposed to save the gnomes from the evil monsters. Get ready to shoot."

A (thinking): Monsters. Monsters. Monsters.

(The cart rolls into a dark room, lit only by blue LEDs. J and A begin to shoot. Their guns, attached to the cart by cables, make "thooop" sounds as if they were firing a bow; occasionally, they make a "thauk" sounds, indicating a target hit)

J (thinking): Man, (zaps a shadow) the sites on these guns (zaps a skull) are difficult to use (zaps a Really Big Spider). [editor's note, extra thooops left out for brevity.]

A: "What's that?!" (translation, to which J is completely oblivious: 'Augh!! A GIANT SPIDER MONSTER!!')

J (in "Commando-Dad" Mode): "It's a goblin [thooop - thauk!] Shoot it."

A: (shooting a few shadows and thinking): Monsters. Monsters. Monsters.

(Ye Olde Electronic Danger Music warns of Impending Doom. Electric cart rolls into the Dark Lord's Throne Room.)

J (admiring the flickering stage torches, and in the pause notices, 1: The Kid is really quiet. 2: And Still. Turns to A, who is pressed up against the cart seat cushion, gun held limply and eyes wide as saucers.): "Shoot, bud; shoot!"

Animatronic Dark Lord: "How dare you enter! Guards! Seize them!"

A (raising arm mechanically, shooting, and thinking): Monsters. Monsters. Monsters.

J: "Oh, look; it's a dragon." (pause) "Shoot, bud; shoot!"


Um, yes; we enjoyed the Enchanted Forest very much, especially the log flume ride at the end. And, yes: someone did sleep with all the lights on, and woke up at 4 AM determined to work on Brickbeard's Bounty until the blessed sun rose.